Singleness, sometimes this is a dreaded word, sometimes it is a welcomed word. I am single right now and I’m having the time of my life. And, no this post doesn’t mean I’m looking for a guy. I want to talk about how I’m embracing singleness and what I love about it and what I hate about it. And, I’m going to share pictures that I took recently to play around with outfits for fall!
Relationships are everywhere. And, no I’m not talking about romantic relationships. I mean platonic friendships and the relationships you have with your family and God. I have relationships with many people.
First and foremost, my relationship with God is my most important relationship. No matter if I’m single or with someone, God comes first. I learned this lesson the hard way. I didn’t prioritize God when I was with someone and I suffered from that. This is nothing he did. And, I don’t have any hard feelings toward him about this. This was something I did. No, this isn’t why we broke up and I’m not going to talk about that because it’s private. But, since that ended, I have rekindled my relationship with God and started trusting Him more and finding my identity in Him. And, that has been one of the greatest adventures of my life.
I’m so happy now. God has helped me find myself. I realize now that I didn’t know who I was when I was with that person.
My friends are amazing. I’ve had ups and downs with all of them. I’m learning this year that my relationships with my friends are what’s really important right now. I’m not ready for a serious romantic relationship. That’s just the truth. But, I’m learning how to deal with people. How to deal with them when they don’t get along. I’m learning how to let go of certain things. I’m learning how to be a good friend. My prayer is that when I have a husband, he will be my best friend. Learning how to have healthy relationships and friendships now will help me be able to have a healthy relationship with my husband.
I once heard it said that if you can get along with your family, you can get along with anyone. And, I believe it. I have a larger family – there are 9 of us in just my immediate family. Everyone is different and living with such a big family has forced me to learn how to get along with a variety of personalities.
One of the best parts of being single that I’m learning is that I can use this time unselfishly to spend it on myself.
I’m learning how to prioritize myself.
On Saturday, I was at a church event and I started having an anxiety/borderline panic attack. And, I prioritized myself. I went home, I rested, I calmed myself down and I felt so much better. One thing I was reminded of on Saturday, is that you need people in your life who support you no matter what you choose to do. I texted my best friend (who was there) and she said ‘Do whatever makes you feel safe.’
Being an anxious person, I hate making decisions on my own. I’m constantly worried that I will disappoint someone. But, having people in my life who have other friends and who are totally okay with me doing what I need to do, makes it so much easier.
I’m learning who I am.
I’ve realized that when I was in a relationship I didn’t know who I really was. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. I just went along with everything because of this. I have learned that:
I am a child of God
I am a blogger
I want to travel the world
I want to start a YouTube channel
I am a food fanatic
I am a very organized person (who is also really messy, one of the big contradictions about me.)
I am an artist
I am a writer
I am a woman
I am a person who loves shopping but hates spending money (yet another one of the biggest contradictions of my personality.)
I am a person who’s trying to live a healthy lifestyle
I am a strong, independent woman who isn’t just waiting for prince charming. I’m working on building the life that I want. I know that God will bring the man to me that He has for me. And, if He doesn’t have a man for me, then I’m content with my life. I trust God completely with this.
I’m okay with being single forever if that’s God’s plan.
I’m okay with getting married and having a bunch of kids if that’s God’s plan.
I am a friend
I am a daughter
I am a sister
I am a cousin
I am a niece
These are the things that define me. I am not defined by the person that I am in a relationship with. I challenge you to write down the things that define you and the things that you want out of life. Know what you want. If a man (or woman) doesn’t want you to have those things then dump him (or her). As mean as that sounds, a man (or woman) who truly loves you will want you to be whatever you want to be. And, you’ll want him/her to be who he/she wants to be. Yes, there are compromises that happen in a relationship. You will never find someone who you agree with completely on everything. And, if you do, the relationship will be really boring. But, know who you are and your worth and then find a man (or woman) worthy of you.
Being single has taught me that it’s pointless to try to impress people. I don’t want someone to love a fake version of me. I want to be myself around everyone. I know that there is a person out there that will love me for who I am.
I can do whatever I want (within reason)
I can have whatever job I want. Wherever I want. With whoever I want. And, I don’t have to work it out with another person. Right now I’m working on writing this blog and I love it!
I love having the freedom in my schedule to plan whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want.
I can live wherever I want and not have to compromise with anyone about it.
If I wanted to, I could move to Alaska and not have to make sure that my husband has a job out there. Or, I can live with my parents. Or, I could live with 5 girls. It doesn’t matter. I’m the only one who needs to decide where I live and who I live with and that’s pretty cool.
All of my time is my own. I don’t have to worry about talking to someone all the time. One thing that’s kind of nice for me personally, is that I don’t have to spend my time worrying about my boyfriend/fiancé/husband. Because I totally would. I can focus on what I’m doing and not be distracted.
I can give my time to anyone I want whenever I want. I’m sure someday I’ll meet someone who I want to give all of my time to. But, I haven’t yet. I enjoy the ability that I have to use my time for me. I know that sounds selfish. But, I will never get these years back. I’m learning to just embrace them and have fun. Because, one day, I won’t have this freedom. Someday, I pray, I’ll have kids and when that happens, I won’t really have much freedom. Everything will have to be figured out with them in mind.
I love listening to music. This is probably an odd one on here. But, being single means I don’t have to worry about what I’m listening to. No one is around to care. And, no one is around a lot of the time to get irritated by my sometimes off-key singing.
Probably the most important way you can use your time being single is in prayer. I love praying and I’ve worked hard on making a conscious effort to pray for my future husband. But, I don’t spend all of my prayers praying for him. A lot of the time, I pray for myself. Trust me, I need a lot of prayers. I struggle with a lot of things. One thing I love about writing this blog is I get to decide what you know about me and what you don’t know. My prayer life is very personal and not something I’m going to share a lot of on here. But, I challenge you to pray more and to pray for your future husband or wife. But, I’m learning to pray for my friends. I’m learning to listen to what they’re struggling with and pray for it. I’m learning from God how to be a good friend.
I’m also learning to pray for my friends. I’m learning to listen to what they’re struggling with and pray for it. I’m learning from God how to be a good friend. And, that’s pretty cool.
Now, those are all good things, but there are some things that I don’t like about being single:
I don’t have someone to pray with. I just don’t have the relationship with anyone where we just pray together. Also, I pray my best when I’m writing out my prayers so it would be kind of weird to pray out loud with someone.
I don’t have just one person to cook for and with. Sure, I cook with and for my family but I often wish I could be doing it for my husband.
I don’t have a husband to take with me on my travels when I have the money to travel.
I don’t have a life partner.
I’m surrounded by romantic relationships and sometimes they make me a little jealous. But, I know that this singleness will only happen for a season. And, jealousy is overrated and seeing others happy makes me happy.
How are you embracing your single years?
Soli Deo Gloria,